Ode to Finish Carpenters

To all arborites, arboretums, and to those of the arbor generation, here or beyond: Greetings!

As some of you know, it has been my intention to mimic a finish carpenter, by attempting to trim replacement windows in my humble abode. However, I have run into a troublesome, even vexing, reality. I was under the illusion that walls were plumb, openings square, and surfaces level. Unfortunately, this is not the case. While the person who framed my house may have been well-meaning in his pursuit, he should be arrested for fraudulent claims of carpentry skills. For example, studs have intentionally been left out of walls, walls are not square, and floor joist spans are excessive.

So it is, in this imperfect world, I have endeavored to place the proverbial diamond in the pig’s snout, and thereby cover the sins of the framers and sheet rock-ers that came before me. Having now come full circle by trimming said windows, I can say, with all due respect, trim/finish carpenters are truly a skilled lot; for they make beauty out of ashes, and order from disorder. And their secret special sauce is the humble shim, AKA wedges. USE THEM FREELY.

Tool of the week: In the fabrication of window trim, my pick for tool of the week is the Lie-Nielsen Boggs Concave Spokeshave. This tool is a good example of an American-made quality product, and will dress the concavity of arches all day long. It’s all in the wrist.

Story of yore: During my illustrious stint in Key West, under the direct supervision of the U.S. Navy, I began hunting fish with spear guns. One memorable fishing episode occurred in what were affectionately known as the “sub pits”. These were deep channels cut into the rock, which allowed submarines to submerge during hurricanes. While thousands of feet long, they were probably approx. 70’ wide and 40’ deep, (if memory serves). On this particular day, with shiny new spear gun in hand and a boldness in my step, I was hunting solo for the tasty Caribbean grouper. Confident in my prowess as said hunter, I slowly descended into the murky depths. And lo and behold, to my delight, a grouper of quite large proportion, appeared on my radar as the perfect prey. Seconds before launching my spear, I realized that I had misidentified the beast. The grouper somehow morphed into the top predator known as the barracuda, a fish with a nasty disposition and rather large teeth. At that point, there was a moment of indecision as to what my subsequent move would be. My choices were as follows: Fire the spear into the back of his head and risk attack, realizing that we would be tethered together 25’ below surface; or remembering that discretion can be the better part of valor, allow each of us to go our separate ways unscathed. At the time, choice number two seemed to be the more intuitive and logical option. So I retreated to the surface, regained my mental footing, and looked elsewhere for the illusive grouper. During the ensuing years, I often wondered what would have happened had I cast caution to the wind and pulled the trigger.

THE HACK

Pencils: Who Needs 'Em?

To those who work wood on the third planet: Greeting and salutations! In recent days, I have begun to understand and value the necessity of high-tech toys, such as the computer, in furniture design. Ignorance, a thing of loathing, had blinded me to the possibilities of seeing furniture before it comes into existence. Allow me to clarify my relationship with the world of IT. This humble blog would have never come to fruition, except for the hard work and dedication of my wife and daughter. This is primarily due to the fact that I have few (if any) true skills concerning computers and their ilk. Therefore I am completely dependent upon their skills to navigate through the storms and high winds of computer programs, e.g. CAD (computer-aided drafting).

Along comes my friend, Mr. B. He spurred my initial interest in this wonderful and beautimous technology when he showed me a computer-aided sketch of his workbench. This magnificent gadget allows the user to view said drawing from an infinite number of angles in 3 dimensions. It also enables quick and easy corrections in measurements, which hopefully produces the attainment of good proportion. If I haven’t said it before, allow me to say it now: GOOD PROPORTION IS ESSENTIAL TO SUCCESSFUL FURNITURE DESIGN. Therefore, those who possess a spirit of intrepidation, please avail yourself this magical mystery tour, which is computer-aided drafting. You will wonder how you ever got by without it.

Router Table Epilogue:
After severe labor pains, I have finally given birth to a healthy, 200 lb. infantabulous router table. It affords me the ability to change bits above the bed, gives another tool set up, provides tons of storage, and last but not least, offers gobs of countertop space.

Pontification: See the master of blues and rock guitar at the next available venue: Joe Bonamassa.


Story of yore: During my formative years in public education (1st and 2nd grade), I was schooled in a more liberal "laissez faire" philosophy. California, that is. Swimming pools. Movie stars. Being a less-than studious child, and one who engaged in occasional shenanigans, I felt the sting of California discipline. They employed the draconian method of "time-out", which amounted to 5 minutes of separation from classmates. I believed then that the "time-out" method was a discipline I could wholeheartedly embrace. Acclamation came quickly. However, as mentioned in previous posts, 1964 was a year of transition. From California to Arkansas, discipline in public education took a turn to the dark side. Pain and suffering would be my lot.
In one memorable encounter, I was waiting patiently in line for a drink at the water fountain. As I got closer to the front, the young man ahead of me turned with a mouthful of water and malevolent intent in his heart, and proceeded to shower me with its contents. I rose to the occasion, by securing my own mouthful and pursuing the perpetrator. I caught him from behind and avenged his act of malfeasance, by spraying him accordingly. It was "an eye for an eye". "A tooth for a tooth". But unfortunately, the powers-that-be saw it differently. The initial act was not witnessed by the cadre of teachers on the playground. Yet my act of retribution was. My teacher, Mrs. E., took prompt and decisive action by introducing me to the principal; who, in turn, introduced me to a large wooden assault weapon. With gusto in his soul, he administered paddle to buttocks in a rapid fire, robotic manner. The onset of pain was immediate, but striving to regain lucidity, I quickly realized that crying would not be an option, and seen only as a weakness. After mustering all my strength, I walked out of the principal's office that day, and was greeted by a stark reality: "Time-out" was no longer the law of the land. It had been replaced by a much more sinister disciplinary plan, which used affliction and misery on those who would dare to trespass its ordinances. Welcome to Arkansas.

YOUR HUMBLE WOODWORKING CORRESPONDENT

Be Careful, or You'll Poke Your Eye Out!

Greetings and salutations from your humble correspondent!
As many of you are painfully aware, I am struggling to create a happy, well-adjusted, and functional piece of woodworking equipment known in woodworking circles as a router table. One step of the process is to use laminate on both sides of the table’s bed. Remember, the table bed is made out of two plies of MDF, banded with the material of your choice. I chose ½” Baltic birch plywood.

Today I took the next step by gluing the laminate to the MDF substrate, using contact cement. Contact cement is a strange, wonderful, and possibly dangerous concoction of unknown origin. Let me clarify: unknown to me. Those of you who diligently read instructions, warning labels, and other necessary but time consuming practices will understand my consternation. The basic warning labels read as such: Contact cement should be used in the absence of any type of flame; including pilot lights, electric motors, static electricity, and any other possible source of fire. It should only be used in a well-ventilated space, with an optimum temperature of 65 degrees. Gloves and goggles are not only fashionable, but necessary. Exposure to material could cause brain damage and birth defects. In the state of California there is evidence that the material may cause cancer in lab rats in concentrations one part per billion (I exaggerate). Rats in other states are considered safe. It seems to me that contact cement is analogous to the Corvair: IT IS UNSAFE AT ANY SPEED. And finally, the print size of the can in question is functional only for those with 20/10 vision in conjunction with the Hubble telescope. Some studies have shown that reading micro-print can, indeed, cause focal trauma.

Considering the myriad of hoops one must jump through in order to use said product in a safe manner, I went boldly forward in my quest of someday producing a complete router table. The old adage, “Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!” seems appropriate. So despite the warnings of eminent brain damage and death, I somehow used the product to good effect, and was able to laminate both sides of my MDF substrate. While I believe safety is important, sometimes it seems difficult to obtain. Yes, we must read the ‘Warnings’, and heed them to the best of our ability. I will continue to keep you informed of any progress made.

Remember: Quality trumps speed.


Pontification: I vote for the guitar lead in Hotel California as quite possibly the best lead guitar riff in all of rock and roll. Yes, even better than Freebird.” Freebird only wins out in speed, whereas Hotel California is much deeper in melodic essence.

Story of yore: After leaving California in 1964, I was quickly inculcated into the social structure of an alien landscape; namely, Rogers, AR. Allow me to explain… As my parents and I entered the downtown area, I was drawn to the cobblestone streets and the historic nature of the city. But the moment of my epiphany came when we paused to allow a barefooted, corpulent resident of the female nature to cross the intersection in front of our car. As she sauntered across the street, she spit a large chaw of tobacco, quite possibly Red Man. My eyes were opened and I realized that life here would be much different than what I had previously known. At that point, I began to transition into Southern Living.

THE HACK

Gallery

Bent Arm Morris Chair




Round End Table



My interpretation of a Limbert Magazine Pedestal.



Mission Two-Drawer Chest with through tenons and quarter-sawn white oak.



My interpretation of the H. Ellis Bookcase.



My interpretation of the Stickley Bridal Chest including hand-hammered copper hardware.



Mission Settle



Contemporary Audio Cabinet with hand-cut dovetails and sliding doors with cherry cabinet and died white oak base. Featured in Fine Woodworking's Design Book 8.


Many thanks to Matt & Meghan Feyerabend, Aus10 Photography, http://aus10.com/!


Queen Ann Low Boy in walnut featuring carved trifid feet, carved shell, drop finials, and hand-cut dovetails as seen in Gallery of Woodwork Magazine #55.



Small Cherry Cabinet features tombstone panel doors and turned feet as seen in Gallery of Woodwork Magazine #55.



Hall Table with walnut and glass panels. The overall lines for this table came from a measured drawing by Carlyle Lynch. I simplified the brackets and made the top as a frame with glass panels as seen in Gallery of Woodwork Magazine #55.



The Keeping Box in cherry featuring scroll cut, bracket feet, hand-cut dovetails, and breadboard ends as seen in Table of Contents of Woodwork Magazine #55.

Adventures With Twisted Panels and Twisted People

To all earthlings driven to construction of objects of the wooden nature: Greetings. The construction of the much ballyhooed and aforementioned router table has slowed to a snail’s pace.

Allow me to explain. Most router tabletops call for two laminated layers of MDF (medium density fiberboard), with banding on the edge, and formica laminated to both sides. Using Titebond II, a flat work surface, weights, and an intrepid spirit, I launched into a voyage of uncertainty yesterday, laminating the two sheets of MDF. Unfortunately, the glue-up was problematic. Instead of a flat plane on both sides of the MDF panel, I created a twist in the panel itself. Faced with this dilemma, I had two choices. Choice #1: Start from scratch… lose more money… waste more time. Choice #2: Flatten existing MDF panel… lose less money… waste less time. Remember, the panel is 26” x 48”, so using the jointer is not an option. All possible solutions pointed to the lowly hand plane… more specifically, the scrub plane. For those of you unfamiliar with said beast, it is a tool no woodworker should be without. The blade is curved like a gouge, and it sports a very large throat. The cut produces a concaved trough, which removes material quite aggressively. The scrub plane, a straight edge, and of course adequate elbow grease, will produce a flat panel. The finished product may be obtained by using a regular bench plane, a large sanding block, or even an orbital sander to smooth the surface.

After flattening the MDF panel on both sides, I banded the edges with half-inch plywood. My next step in the process will be gluing the formica (laminate) to the panel. Regrettably, the weather (14 inches of snow and low temperatures) has decidedly dampered my advances. I will eventually report back successes and or failures.

Take Home Message I: Ponder seriously your acquisition of a scrub plane. It is an important tool in your arsenal.

Take Home Message II: As most of you know with any real construction project, the estimated date of completion is more or less a fairytale, as it is with the router table. Therefore, after missing one estimated date of completion, I will refrain from venturing another guess.

Remember: Quality trumps speed.

SCRUB PLANE AFFICIONADO

Iron Trumps Plastic

To the sons and daughters of American woodworking and beyond: Greetings. On occasion I will attempt to critique some of the tools in my shop. This is not a comparison; just one man’s opinion.

Allow me to begin with some background (circa 1998): In dire need of a band saw with re-saw capability, I purchased a 20” American-made band saw from a well-known manufacturer/trusted retailer. After my acquisition was firmly ensconced within my shop building, I became aware that all was not as it should be. Among other troublesome defects, I found cracks in the wheel castings, and realized that I could not adjust the saw wheels into the same plane (coplaner). This saw was the equivalent of a sheet metal and plastic train wreck. After much consternation, wailing, and gnashing of teeth, I returned the band saw to the manufacturer in question and never looked back.

Fast forward three months: Because of a solid recommendation from James Krenov, I began to consider the possibility of owning a vintage saw. The saw in question was none other than the Yates American Y-20. Few things in this life are as good as advertised. This one is!!! The Yates Y-20 is a tour de force of light industrial machinery (light as in 1150 lbs); a virtual battleship in terms of construction. The heart of the saw is a one-piece iron casting. The motor is a 1 hp, 3 phase brute, which dwarfs all other motors in my shop. The massive bottom cast iron flywheel is mounted directly to the motor. No flimsy belts allowed. The table is –you guessed it- heavy cast iron, 26” square, and will tilt to 45 degrees; able to cut those pesky bevels at a single bound. Saw capacity is 19”, with a 10” re-saw. (Refer to previous blog for photos).
Suffice it to say, this saw met and exceeded my expectations. Therefore, if you are in the market for a band saw or just want to upgrade your current machinery, you may want to consider a vintage piece of equipment, such as the Y-20 Yates American. It’ll treat ya right.

Today in My Shop
After building eleven drawers for my router table, I faced the frames and will add inset drawer fronts. Photographs are forthcoming. Estimated time of completion: one week.

Sidenote
After 30 years of wedded bliss to the love of my life, I am firmly convinced she’s the one for me. March 14, 1980 - March 14, 2010.

Remember: Quality trumps speed (as iron trumps plastic).

WOODUS HACCUS MAXIMUS

Decisions, decisions...

To members of the clan of virtual woodworkers worldwide: Greetings.

I find myself in a predicament. A dilemma, if you will… (that’s dilemma with a long ‘i’); a disturbing quandary. With the emergence of the new router table in my shop, I find I must purchase one of two options. Option 1: The Triton 2 ¼ Hp router, that appears to be perfectly suited to upside down routing, as seen in Fine Woodworking #189. Option 2: A router lift by Bench Dog, the Prolift, as seen in Fine Woodworking #155. For those unfamiliar with a router lift, you must provide your own router. Each of these options appear to be highly effective. Both allow one to change bits above the table; a vast improvement over dated versions.

Members of my woodworking co-op (no finer people on God’s green earth and all former industrial arts teachers) have purchased and used the Triton system with good result. In the beginning, I was leaning favorably to the Bench Dog experience. Yet the co-op is pressuring me to follow their lead. I’m trying to hold out as the last bastion of individualism. However, the collective soul’s mantra is “Assimilation is inevitable.”

Therefore, if any of you have used either the Triton system or the Bench Dog system, I would covet your experiences. Also, if you have a preference, please give details as to why.

Today in My Shop
My router table is in the midst of metamorphosis. I started with eight drawers, which evolved to ten, and finally stopped at eleven. I can’t tell you how many sheets of plywood I’ve used so far, but suffice it to say, this will be a stationary piece of equipment, with lots of storage. The table will resemble a “bird farm” - that’s navy-speak for an aircraft carrier. I will use bass wood to face the frames and the drawer fronts. The drawers will run on full extension heavy-duty drawer slides. Completion date is still currently unknown. If you still find yourself without a router table, go forth boldly and build. For this is your destiny!



Remember: Quality trumps speed.

Pontification: Steely Dan’s “Reeling in the Years” guitar intro is superlative.

THE HACK-MEISTER